5 Tips to Stop Fighting Over Money
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1. Talk About Money When You’re Rested & Calm
Lack of sleep can really affect our attitudes. I think we can all agree to that. I don’t know about you, but I can think of a couple of times (or a few) when I thought it would be a good idea to discuss a sensitive topic while my husband and I are getting into bed for the night. Spoiler alert: it never goes well. This relates to money talks too. Make sure you are both rested and calm. Don’t go into the conversation already heated. We all know where that can lead. And hey, while you’re at it, might as well make sure you’re not hungry either (ever heard of hangry?).
2. Proactive Versus Reactive
Having money talks regularly helps get you on the same page as your spouse and helps keep you there. Expressing your concerns, fears, goals, and expectations before a problem arises makes for a lot fewer arguments. Picture this: a reactive situation would look like me using the credit card to pay for my latest Target run. Because my husband and I weren’t being proactive, I didn’t know he wanted us to pay off the credit card this month and not add more to the balance. The results? It ended with a fight after the damage was already done. A proactive situation would have looked like my husband and I clearly communicating our expectations. I would have paid cash for the Target run and the fight wouldn’t be there. Don’t wait for a problem to arise. Be proactive and clearly talk about your expectations.
3. Stop Interrupting
Whether you agree with what your spouse is expressing or not, don’t interrupt. I cannot express this enough. Do you know how much appreciation is felt when you actively listen and acknowledge what your spouse is saying? Let me fill you in - it’s a lot. I know, it is easier said than done. Especially when you think your answer is the best. I’m not saying to throw your input out the window. But what I am saying is to simply acknowledge what the other is saying and do so without butting in. You’d be surprised by the amount of respect it resembles.
4. Always Fall Back on Your Priorities
Let your priorities ground you. If you can’t seem to agree on something, fall back on what you decided was important to you two in the first place. Think of your priorities/goals as your center. The action steps you two take should orbit around your priorities or around your “center”. Whatever you are arguing about, ask yourselves “does this relate to our priorities?”. If yes, then great, keep at it. If not, remove it from your “financial universe”. This way of thinking brings you back to what’s important and keeps you on track.
5. Marriage Is All About Compromise
Sorry if you are sick of hearing this, but it’s true. Marriage really is all about compromise. Whether that is who gets to pick the movie tonight or compromising when it comes to a financial decision. If this is hard for you, keep practicing. Sacrificing is not always easy but I promise you, you will learn to appreciate the compromise in your marriage and see it as a beautiful thing.
Here, at Fiduciary Financial Advisors, we take our fiduciary oath seriously. We hold these five principles:
I will always put your best interests first
I will avoid conflicts of interest
I will act with prudence; that is, with the skill, care, diligence, and good judgment of a professional
I will not mislead you, and I will provide conspicuous, full, and fair disclosure of all important facts.
I will fully disclose, and fairly manage, in your favor, any unavoidable conflicts