How to Communicate with Your "Nonfinancial" Spouse
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In marriages, it’s common to have one spouse who enjoys the finance part more than the other. Do you get excited to do the budget each month? Do you know your retirement account balances at all times? Can excel sheets provide you happiness? If you answered yes to any of these questions, there’s a good chance you are that one spouse. (Disclosure: this is 100% me). But what about your spouse who doesn’t seem to share in your financial giddiness? I’m here to tell you their input on your financial life is just as important - even if they don’t smile when they hear the word “excel”. Let’s dive into how you can include your “nonfinancial” spouse in a way they want to be included.
No Assumptions Here
A conversation around how much info they want to know is a must. Don’t assume they want to walk through every little detail of the budget with you, but also don’t assume they want to take the word “budget” out of their vocabulary. It is as simple as asking, “would you like to do the budget with me or would you prefer to know a general update?”. Most times, they just want to hear “we did good this month” or “hey, we need to cut back on eating out”. Opening up this conversation takes out the guessing and immediately puts you two on the same page.
Less is More
9 out of 10 times you will find your spouse simply wants a taste of your financial well-being. This does NOT mean they don’t care about your financial health (gasp!). This simply means a brief overview will give them comfort. My husband and I decided that giving him a quick “here’s what we were able to put toward fill in the blank this month” makes him feel he has a good handle on where we’re at but not too much to put him to sleep. Plus, I give him general updates on our saving account balance and goal progress. After having the conversation we talked about earlier, you will understand if your spouse needs more or less. Typically, less is more in the “non-financial” spouse’s mind and yes, that means they still care.
Hear Them Out
If your spouse has an idea or a financial recommendation, let them be heard. Sometimes as the financial spouse, we tend to think we know all the answers (guilty!). I have found myself quickly shutting down my husband’s ideas or concerns because, well I’m the financial spouse! And that means I must have all the perfect answers, right? Nope. Remember, your financial plan is built around both of your goals, dreams, and hopes. Just because you were able to crunch some numbers, design a seamless timeline, and constantly know your status does not mean it is a one-sided plan. Allow your “non-financial” spouse to be heard. I also have found that my husband’s ideas actually make a lot of sense and provide a new perspective.
They Care, I Promise
If you don’t record your daily steps, how many calories you took in for breakfast, or check your heart rate every 30 seconds, does that mean you don’t care about your body? Absolutely not. Think about your spouse’s perspective in this way. Just because they aren’t constantly checking the pulse of your financial health does not mean they don’t care. They do. The sooner you can learn that and understand that about your spouse, the clearer the communication will be. Sharing is caring but sometimes too much sharing is not caring.
By not making assumptions, giving brief overviews of information, allowing them to be heard, and understanding your spouse does care are ways you can love your “nonfinancial” spouse better. Like I always say, financial intimacy is just as important. Money can be hard in marriage and can cause a lot of stress between the two of you. It all starts with open communication and understanding your spouse better. Take these tips and techniques with you as you power away entering data into your excel sheet (now, without your spouse falling asleep in the chair next to you).
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